MIAMI, FL—A spare empty podium and microphone set up backstage at the Democratic debate this evening is projected to win the event “hands down” according to experts.
“This spare podium and microphone won’t say anything stupid, won’t vow to take more of your money away, and won’t promise voters to meddle in your lives,” said one commentator. “The podium’s policy positions are hard to argue with. You don’t have to deal with Warren’s reparations, Biden’s empty promise to cure cancer, or Bernie’s plan to cancel all student debt.”
“In a lot of ways, the empty podium may win over everybody tonight,” the commentator continued. “I know it has my vote.”
Should the podium win the Democratic primaries, it will face Donald Trump in the general election. While Trump has had some success in the White House, experts believe that the empty podium, consisting of nobody at all, is likely to beat out Trump as the ideal leader of our nation.